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Due to the fact that I write most of these posts past midnight on Notepad, you may encounter some writing errors when reading my blog. I apologies in advance and I hope to soon acquire the attention span needed to proof read my posts.

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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Mad Bull 34

We found it! We found it! After years of searching and many lost lives, we have finally found by far the funniest anime anyone has ever seen ever. I'm not talking like Superbad funny or Dr. Strangelove funny. I'm talking Rocky Horror Picture Show and Lupan the 3rd went to a bar, went 3 digits over the legal blood alcohol content limit, started fucking on the pool table, smoked during the pregnancy and had a kid kind of fucked up funny. I'll provide a little background information.

Mad Bull 34 is a buddy cop anime that takes place in New York City. Think Bad Boys, but funny. The anime follows the adventures of two police officers; Daizaburo and Sleepy. Daizaburo is an 18 year old Japanese-American who has just graduated from the police academy with the highest grades possible. He is very old fashion and tries to be the best cop he can be in a world full of evil and hate.

Now we get to the fun part, Sleepy. A giant-of-a-man who when the first warning of "stop" does not work, will proceed to unload an entire round of shotgun shells into any law breaker all while smiling and whistling a catchy tune. Even though he is a man who has seen the color red more than any other color in his life, he only kills people that deserve it.

Ok, so now you know the basic plot. Lasting 4 hour long OVA episodes, what Mad Bull 34 lacks in plot it makes up for in...in...well...just being kind of retarded, but in the best way possible. There is just so much shit that goes on that all I can really do is to write a list of every piece of ridiculous logic that I can find in the first episode.

Side Note: This anime has gotten the closest I've ever seen to being a hentai without actually being a hentai.

- There is a rape scene within 1:40 on the first episode
- Sleepy decapitates a dude with a pistol
- Two guys in short-shorts wearing hockey masks and riding on roller skates (with pads) rob a grocery store
- Sleepy kills one of the robbers and severally injures the other with his shotgun.
- The injured robber crawls towards a startled woman and tells her to give him some action while he is bleeding out on the parking lot.
- Said girl pisses herself
- Sleepy uses his shotgun to blow away the robber's head into three equal parts.
- With the girl paralyzed in shock, Sleepy tells Daizaburo that "She'll thaw out if you stick your finger up her ass"
- When told by Daizaburo that he is a murderer, Sleepy responds, "Hey, thats bullshit. That guy was just some low life punk."
- Sleepy's comments when he sees a prostitute on the street: "Imagine putting your face between her legs." "Huh, you don't mean you're a faggot, are ya?" "Hey, you're new aren't ya. Wanna sit on my face?"
-Upon discovering that Daizaburo is a virgin, Sleepy takes him to a random apartment and hires a bunch of hookers to show him a good time. The girls proceed to flash their tits around and dog pile all over Daizaburo.

Oh damn, we're only 10 minutes into the first episode. This is gonna be a long post. I could just end it here, but what is the fun in that?

- Daizaburo and Sleepy dress up as women (wow, what a leap) to go under cover while a news reporter attempts to bait out rapists and catch them on camera.
- Rapists one liners: "We're gonna fuck the ass off of ya." "You're gonna have a sore pussy."
- When the rapists grab the woman's hair, Sleepy stops from running in Daizaburo saying, "Wait."
- Rapists tear off the woman's shirt, revealing her tits. It is then Sleepy says, "Lets move!"
- Sleepy shoots the rapists dead.
- Woman, "Murderer." Sleepy, "Police officer, actually."
- Sleepy reveals that the rapists have guns. Daizaburo's response, "It's an Uzi machine pistol!"
- Sleepy steals money from a hooker after fucking her. (Off camera)
- Sleepy steals money from a hooker after fucking her. (Off camera)
- Sleepy steals money from a hooker after fucking her. (On camera)
- Giant black man with rose tattoo fucks hooker #3 and reveals he is gonna kill Sleepy. Hookers are worried about Sleepy.
- Sleepy to Daizaburo, "WAIT! Don't touch that soap! Look at all the cracks on that soap. Doesn't it strike you odd that there are so many? Someone may have coated it with contact poison. One touch and you'll be dead in a minute."
- Black man puts hooker #3's head in between the frame of the bed and squeezes the bars shut preventing her from escaping.
- Black man places a capped bottle with blue liquid inside and explains, "That bottle contains a special Molotov Cocktail that I made special for you. Once the temperature of this room rises, it'll explode!"
- It does
- Man working for black man poses as a gas station attendant and does "something" to their car. Something to do with oil.
- Sleepy trying to control his car spinning at over 60mph "Shit, he cut the oil line! The engine is fucked!"
- Car catches on fire and explodes
- Sleepy concludes "When the engine fucked up it knocked out the transmission and put us in a skid."
- Sleepy and Daizaburo decide to fake their death in order to catch black man off guard. They attend their own funeral disguised as nuns.

There is still about 1/4th of the episode left and all ready I've called an ambulance cause my sides hurt too bad from laughing so hard. Each episode just gets crazier and crazier as Sleepy and Daizaburo encounter various New York crime villains and mob lords, each with their own unique quirk that you can only get out of an episode of A-Team.

Even after all of this stuff I've described above, nothing beats the fact that every episode is on Youtube and is uncensored. Seriously, this thing is buried in the darkest reaches of the internet. It was made in 1991 and I still can't believe no one has heard of this anime before.

NOTE: I did not discover this, my friend Adam showed it to me about a week ago.


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